Friday, December 20, 2013

Reality Check

Sometimes I have to give myself a reality check about my appearance. For instance... yesterday morning I was getting ready & was convinced that my thighs had grown overnight. My jeans slid on the same as always, but as I stood taking a few pics of my outfit, I noticed that my thighs were touching slightly. If you follow Blogilates, which you should, you know that it's been a huge topic lately & maybe that's why I zoned in on them. But either way, my thighs don't touch & even if they did - does that make me less attractive? I'm going to go with no... 

Being a fat girl is something that you never shake. I was overweight for the first 18 years of my life. The stigma of that never fades. The hurtful things that were said in junior high & high school stick with you. I wish that they'd run out of me with every drop of sweat that was required to lose the weight, but they linger. Even though it's been 8 years since I lost the weight, I still struggle. I'm always questioning my appearance, and while I know that may be considered vain, it's a part of my own daily struggle. There are days where I wish I could just call in fat & spend my day at the gym. That's a little mentally unstable though, so I push through & go about my business like a non-crazy person. 



In my mind, I know that I am wearing size 2 jeans with an extra small top today. Rationally, I'm aware of those facts. Emotionally, my thighs are huge & I look like I have a beer gut when my shirt gets static cling. It's like living with a fun house mirror some days... 

It's OK though. We all have good days & bad days. We push through. We find people to give us the reality check we need. My sister will tell me if I look fat. My mom will roll her eyes when I'm being ridiculous. My sweet husband is well trained enough to know that no matter what, just go with "you look gorgeous dear..." And then there's my inner voice... nobody's perfect, just do your best. 



2 comments:

  1. I am in a size 10 jeans and I wish to be a size 2. We all have our battles. But it's good to know that other people have too. You are perfect just the way you are!

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  2. "Being a fat girl is something that you never shake. "

    Or being a fat kid in general ... I weigh 200 lbs less than when I graduated college (25 years ago). And although I have fluctuated somewhat, I have been basically thin for most of the last 25 years. Yet I will always see the fat kid in the mirror.

    You look fantastic ... and I absolutely HATE what the 'pursuit of thigh gap' does to young women ...

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